an analogy

for me and jared, trying to have a baby is a lot like trying to sell a house.

selling a house
when you first put your house on the market, you think you’re going to sell it right away.  it’s for sale, you have showings, OF COURSE it will sell.
trying to conceive
when you decide to have a baby, you think you’ll get pregnant right away.  you’re having unprotected sex, OF COURSE you’ll get pregnant.
selling a house
the first month goes by and you’ve had several showings each week, but no offfers.  that’s ok, sometimes it takes a little while.  
trying to conceive
the first month goes by and you’ve had sex several times each week, but no baby.  that’s ok, sometimes it takes a little while.
selling a house
three months go by and you don’t have an offer.  even though you have showings and those showings are perfect.  you clean really well and stage the house perfectly. you burn scented candles.  you leave a bowl of candy out for your potential buyers.  you leave soothing classical music playing during the showing. you start to get a little worried.
trying to conceive
three months go by and you aren’t pregnant.  even though you have sex when you’re ovulating.   you abstain from alcohol and take prenatal vitamins and your husband wears loose boxers.  you start to get a little worried.
selling a house
five months go by and you start researching “how long is an average house on the market”.  you read a lot of things that calm you and terrify you at the same time. you realize that some people sell the first week of being on the market, and for others it takes years. you keep doing what you think is right, but you become obsessed.  it’s all you and your husband talk about.  
trying to conceive
five months go by and you start researching “how long does it take the average couple to get pregnant”.  you read a lot of things that calm you and terrify you at the same time.  you realize that some people will get pregnant the first week of trying, and for others it takes years.  you keep doing what you think is right, but you become obsessed.  it’s all you and your husband talk about.
selling a house
several more months go by and you start wondering what else you can do.  you try not to get your hopes up for each showing but are still disappointed when you don’t get an offer.  you start getting irritated at well-meaning friends and family that keep telling you to “give it time, it will happen”.  then, OMG, you FINALLY get an offer and you’re over the moon happy and you feel like all is right in the world.  and it falls through.
trying to conceive
several more months go by and you start wondering what else you can do.  you try not to get your hopes up every month but are still disappointed when you get your period.  you start getting irritated at well-meaning friends and family that keep telling you to “give it time, it will happen”.  then, OMG, you FINALLY skip a period and you’re over the moon happy and you feel like all is right in the world.  and then it arrives a week late.
selling a house
more months go by and you start to get depressed.  you wonder how you’ll be able to live the life you dreamed of if you never sell the house.  you are stressed about it and cannot relax, no matter how many well-intentioned people tell you to.  you are annoyed with people who had no problem selling their house.  you are especially annoyed with people who didn’t even want to sell their house, yet someone offered to buy it.  you wonder if you waited too long to sell you house and it will be impossible in this market.   you go to your realtor and say “what is wrong with my house?  is it fixable?  is it unsellable?”  you buy a statue of st. joseph and plant it in your yard and say a prayer because you figure it can’t hurt.
trying to conceive
more months go by and you start to get depressed.  you wonder how you’ll be able to live the life you dreamed of if you never have children.  you are stressed about it and cannot relax, no matter how many well-intentioned people tell you to.  you are annoyed with people who had no problem getting pregnant.  you are especially annoyed with people who didn’t even want to become pregnant, and got knocked up accidentally.  you wonder if you waited too long to try to have a baby and if it will be impossible because you are too old.  you go to your doctor and say “what is wrong with us?  is it fixable?  are we infertile?”  you buy a thermometer and chart your basal body temperature because you figure it can’t hurt.
selling a house
just when you’ve resigned yourself to the fact that maybe you weren’t meant to sell your house right now and you start to think that you can stay in that house for a little while longer,  you get a frantic call from your realtor who tells you that the most perfect first time homebuyers LOVE LOVE LOVE your house and they are heading back to the office RIGHT NOW to make an offer. you close and move out and well after the fact you think to yourself “i can’t believe i was so worried.. of COURSE we would sell the house!  i can’t believe we were so impatient.. these things take time.”
trying to conceive
and this is where i can’t continue the analogy.. because we are still not pregnant.  but this is what i really hope will finally happen to us – and when we look back on everything, we’ll wish we hadn’t stressed ourselves out so much because these things totally take time.  we still have 4 more months before we hit the year mark and will be considered for having fertility problems.  i’m hoping we don’t make it to that point.. but if we do we’ll figure it out then.  

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2 responses to “an analogy

  • Lori

    Oh Katy I'm so sorry.Do you have to wait the year? I have a friend who was having trouble conceiving. They tried for almost 18 months and then a new dr gave her Clomid and she conceived the first month. Maybe it's worth a shot?

  • Kathleen

    Stay positive! I was off the pill almost a year and a half before getting pregnant. My doctor did have me take clomid for a few months. However it wasn't until I was off the clomid and not stressing that it happened. I will keep you in my prayers!

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