omg i suck

it’s been a YEAR since my last post?  sorry… this year has been so full of changes and revelations and stress that i think the thought of writing about it (after discussing it with pretty much anyone who would listen) just seemed overwhelming.  but now i realize that instead of talking to *some* people about things, i really should just be writing them down so that i can get it out without subjecting people to listening to my issues.  at least i know that you can just skim the post or skip it if you’re not interested!
so.. what has been going on that is so overwhelming, you ask?  where do i begin..?   wedding.  houses.  jobs.  family drama.  friend drama. money.  self esteem. 
j and i were married on 5/14/10!   the wedding overall was good (at least people told me they had a good time), although of course it didn’t go quite the way i planned.   i’m sure i’ll go into more details later – but here’s a quick summary.   it snowed and had to be moved inside.  some people created a lot of drama over silly things and it stressed me out.  there were family issues (apparently not attending my wedding is a way to get back at my mom for something she didn’t even do).  i didn’t feel comfortable in my dress.  BUT, when it was all said and done, i married the love of my life and that’s all that matters.  

at this time last year, we had 3 houses and one of them was vacant. the vacant one was also trashed and there was no way we could rent it out in it’s current condition.  our only solution was to sell the house we were living in.  my first house.  the house i loved and still have a strong attachment to.  we put it on the market in october and after 7 months, 80+ showings, and an offer that fell through, we finally found a buyer.  the day after we returned from our honeymoon (barbados!), we closed and the cutest couple ever took possession of our house.  i was so happy that they were my buyers because they are exactly the type of people i wanted living in my house.   we then moved into the quitman house, which is the one we rent to college kids (it was vacant for the summer) and started fixing up the fenton house (the one that was trashed).   lost yet?  it was insane.  we lived in 3 houses within a 3 month time span.  i don’t recommend it. 

so… long story short, we spent all the money we made on the house we sold to put in new windows, appliances, floors, doors, trim, fixtures, etc into the fenton house.  which is now our home.  which i am trying to make the best of even though i would never ever have chosen to live in this house.  it is such a big stress of our lives and one that virtually none of our friends can understand.  right now everything in the house is functional, but not finished.  and it drives me BATTY!  

my job is actually going fantastically.  after not making my goal last year and losing out on a bunch of $$, i am ahead of my goal this year.  which is extremely helpful because j quit his job in september to go back to school.  it a decision that both of us are on board with and one that had to be made.  he’s getting his BS in construction management, so i know that it will be very beneficial to our future.  it’s just another financial stressor that we have to deal with in order to set us up for success.  being the main breadwinner though… that’s a lot of pressure. 

i don’t really want to get into the friend or family drama on this blog because i don’t want to add fuel to the fire should these people read this.  let’s just say that i am focusing on surrounding myself with individuals that act as positive forces in my life and am disassociating with those who i think are bringing negative energy into my life.   

one income. too much debt.  2 mortgages. it all piles up and we’re having to make some serious choices.  we are cutting back the extras like crazy and it’s really hard on my ego to have to admit that even though i make decent money and have an engineering degree and my MBA, i still am not on par financially with my peers due to choices i made, some which were beyond my control. hopefully my frugal forays will be entertaining and useful to you all when i blog about them later. 

and lastly…self esteem. 
i have always struggled with my weight.. but even though i’ve always been a little chubby, i’ve been comfortable enough in my skin to not let it be too much of an issue.  that has changed.  i have gained so much weight since the wedding that not only do my clothes not fit, but i don’t even recognize myself anymore in pictures.  it’s bad.  i don’t feel like i went crazy with the fast food or anything (because that’s really not my style).. it’s just the little things that ad up.  having to eat out because we don’t have a kitchen in the house we’re fixing up.  not exercising because i have to tile a floor.  being stressed in general.  the past 2 months we’ve been eating really healthy and i’ve been getting back into an exercise routine, but the scale hasn’t budged. it hasn’t gone *up* anymore, which is a good thing, but it hasn’t gone down either.  my normal habits at the gym just won’t cut it anymore.  the motivation is *almost* there and this will be something that i will try to blog about more so it keeps me accountable. 

so there you go. my 2010 summary.  

my goal for the rest of 2010 is to post at LEAST every other day in december so that i can get back into blogging.  it’s good for me.

3 responses to “omg i suck

  • Lori

    Wow, your year was busy!!!Thanks for coming my blog. I'm interested to see what great things lie in your future 🙂

  • Heidi

    Yikes! Stress city! But I think things will start to pull together now and become more manageable. I really like that you're going to move forward with positive influences. They help so much and without additional drama.Regarding the money, you just have a more risky financial approach which is why your friends don't relate. Who owns 3 houses? In general, those that take risks get great rewards, right?? It'll pay off one day.

  • Nikole Liles

    First off I thought your wedding was beautiful and Justin and I had a great time! I understand being upset about the weather though. I think that part of the weight comes with being happily married too. I found that I gained almost 20 lbs in our first year of marriage. I know that you will find what works for you. I joke that I need to pick some fights just so I will lose some weight. Sorry you have drama going on. I miss you and would love to see you if you make it to Kansas City. My cousin is going to be in Denver for 3 mos so I am going to try and come out to visit.

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